Creating Space for Your Future Self
Why we distract ourselves from achieving what we want
The 2020 pandemic saved my life. I was locked away in my apartment with no options for seeing friends, exploring restaurants, or attending events. Practically every distraction that I loved to do in my free time was unavailable to me. It was very frustrating and uncomfortable for many months (obviously much worse for many others). The worst part for me was being stuck only with myself and my thoughts, but it was these conditions that would end up being the pivotal catalyst for a radical change in my life path.
While I wouldn't wish those days on anyone, it resulted in a scenario and opportunity of being forced to see myself. There was very little room to hide, and it was during that time that I somehow had a brief moment of clarity and perspective where I clearly saw the long winding road that had been my life journey. It was then, in retrospect across the many years, that I noticed the repeating patterns. I could see that my life had certain loops that would repeat themselves with different characters or geographies, but the beginning, middle, and ends of those loops were often the same, but spread out over months or years. With enough years for them each to play out and a clear perch from which to see them, I realized that the one consistent variable in my life was me. I was the one creating those loops over and over again.
I'm not saying that you have such loops nor that you need the same "medicine" that I did; rather, I am saying that the distractions in your life (almost all of which you are creating/cultivating/choosing of your own volition) are the things that are keeping you in the same place. The distractions with which we fill our time and attention, allow us to not notice that we are standing still. I have no judgement if this is the place where you want to stay, but I am willing to bet that you want more. I am willing to bet that you have things and experiences that you have wanted in your life for a long time, but they always seem to be out of reach. Maybe by now, you've even given up on some of them.
It hurts to think of those things. If we are lowkey frustrated with wanting something else or more, it hurts to consider the mistakes, missteps, or even reasonable choices that we made in the past that have led us to where we are today. So, to avoid feeling that pain, we drown ourselves with distractions: social events, shopping, food, dating, television, celebrities, politics. All of which are lovely and valuable additions to a well-balanced life in moderation, but which many of us (looking at myself here) can use and abuse to fill our time, bandwidth, and identity. You may be doing this and not even realizing it. You may even believe that this is what a rich full life is supposed to be. But in the still moments where you are alone with your own thoughts, undistracted by the next stimulus, you can't stand the quiet. Probably, like me, in those moments you feel a strong itch to pull out your smartphone, which you then scratch.
Developing the skills, habits, and perhaps even the rituals of being still, can radically transform your life. Not in the act itself, but because creating that open space and time in your day will help you see more clearly what you want and how you are the one preventing yourself from having it. And by the way, it's ok that you have been distracting and in a sense shackling yourself. Give your former self a break. Life's expectations running up against life's reality is challenging for all of us and crippling for some. Be kind to your former self and the decisions they had to make in order to survive.
In the stillness and space that you create in your life, you will not only better understand what you truly want, but you then will also find the space and literal time to work on that vision. Holding and creating that space and then showing up there is all the magic needed for what others call discipline. If you can hold space that you don't fill with distraction, you will fill it with self-development and growth. This is the simplest and hardest truth to adopt: All you have to do to have the life that you want is to be still long enough to clearly hear the voice in your head that tells you what is the next right thing to do, and then to have the courage to do that next right thing.
Framework or Tool of the Week: The Power of Stillness
One of the simplest yet hardest things you can do is create moments of stillness in your day. This doesn’t mean meditating for hours. It can be as small as:
Leaving your phone in another room while you eat.
Taking a walk without listening to anything.
Sitting for five minutes in silence before starting your day.
At first, it might feel uncomfortable. You might reach for your phone without thinking. That’s okay. The goal is to slowly build the ability to be present, without needing constant stimulation.
When you create space, you’ll start to hear your own thoughts more clearly. Maybe you’ll see where you’re holding yourself back. And eventually you might even notice yourself finding the time and energy to work toward what you want.
Reflection or Challenge: Your Distraction Audit
Try this:
Write down the biggest distractions in your life. What do you turn to when you’re bored, anxious, or avoiding something?
Ask yourself: Are these distractions helping or holding you back?
Pick one to remove or reduce this week. See what happens when you create a little extra space in your day.
Even if you fail to remove or reduce the distraction today. Try again tomorrow.
Two Steps Forward
Often times, the first step in being able to do and be more, is in fact doing less. Circle the wagons and remove the distractions that are not part of your core vision and mission. Give yourself the space and bandwidth needed to think ahead and to plan and develop the opportunities needed to grow into the person that will be able to achieve and to repeatedly "deserve" the life you want. Take one step back in order to take two steps forward.
Appreciate this read!